A Promise to my Daughter

by Kara

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My baby bonked her tooth today, against the hard leg of the piano bench. She was so shocked, a hurting tooth is such a sharp pain for such a little child, and her teething gums are already in so much pain. She cried big crocodile tears.

So I scooped her up in my arms. I wrapped her in a bright, comforting quilt, and popped her soother into her mouth. She snuggled down in my arms as I read her a few more paragraphs from The House at Pooh Corner. Then I sang to her. Then I just rocked her, as she slowly slipped into a peaceful sleep.

She and I always snuggle. She’s as much a snuggle bug as I am, and I love it. I love rocking her every night, and I love taking a break from daily tasks to snuggle her before I put her down for a nap. But something about this snuggle brought me back to nearly 8 months ago, when I first brought her home. Maybe it was the way she had managed to shrink into my body; maybe it was the fact that my body is feeling the dull aching pain of recovery – this time from a workout rather than surgery. Maybe it was that my mom visited yesterday, and we talked about that first week that Zoe was home with us.

I sat and held her for longer than usual. I looked down at her peaceful face, and wondered what she knew, what she remembered.

Does she remember what my heart sounds like from the inside? When she leans against my chest, does she know it’s the same heart, every beat echoing a love for her thats so deep it overflows into constant hugs and kisses? Does she remember the harsh light in the operating room, the gentle hands of the nurse that first held her and checked her? Does she remember being placed into her dad’s big hands, as he lovingly held his newborn daughter for the very first time? Does she remember the drive home, all bundled and warm in her new car seat, mama sitting beside her because after 9 months of being completely connected, she couldn’t let her new baby out of her sight? Does she remember stopping at Tim Hortons because mama wanted something (anything!) other than hospital food? Does she remember Grandma holding her, walking her, night after night? Does she remember all the whispered I love yous? Does she remember that her first real smile was when she first saw her daddy’s clean-shaven face? Does she remember the bassinet that she first slept in, close to mama’s side?

Does she know how much I loved to lie awake, listening to daddy’s rhythmic breathing and her soft snoring, love for my beautiful family pulsing through my veins? Does she know I sneak into her room every night to check on her before I go back to my own bed? Does she know that her smile is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, her laugh the happiest sound I have ever heard?

Does she know that there is somebody who loves her even more than I do? Does she know that He will be there, even when I can’t be? Will she learn to trust Him, to love Him, to follow Him?

Do I know how to teach her these things?

The song that I was singing to her goes like this:
(Song by Keith and Kristyn Getty; Lyrics taken from gettymusic.com;
Listen to it here)

A Mother’s Prayer

“Before you close your eyes to sleep
I have a promise still to keep
As I hold you in my arms.
I pray your little frame grows strong
And that faith takes hold while you are young;
This is my prayer for you.

Hold my hand;
I’ll teach you the Way to go.
Through the joys, through the tears,
The journey of these years,
May you trust Him ‘til the end.
May you trust Him in the end.

This world is not as it should be,
But the Savior opens eyes to see
All that’s beautiful and true.
Oh may His light fill all you are
And the jewel of wisdom crown your heart;
This is my prayer for you.

Hold my hand;
I’ll teach you the Way to go.
Through the joys, through the tears,
The journey of these years,
He is with us ‘til the end.
He is faithful ‘til the end.

You’ll travel where my arms won’t reach
As the road will rise to lead your feet
On a journey of your own.
May my mistakes not hinder you
But His grace remain and guide you through;
This is my prayer for you.

Take His hand
And go where He calls you to.
And whatever comes, seek Him
With all your heart;
This will be my prayer for you.
mmmm Father, hear my ceaseless prayer;
Oh keep her in your care.

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This is the promise I make to you, my beautiful daughter:

I will hold you up in prayer, even when I can no longer hold you in my arms.

I will teach you to take His hand, even when you can’t hold my hand.

I will support you in your calling, even when it no longer overlaps with my calling.

I will show you his perfect love, even through my imperfect love.

As I make you this promise, I must also tell you this: I will fail. In your short life, I’ve already failed. But He never will.

So, darling, whatever comes, seek Him.

Love always, Mama.