Its been a while.
But, I feel like I have the perfect little scapegoats: Louisa and Beatrix (case in point: immediately after writing that sentence, Louisa started crying and needed her soother.)
They are 13 weeks old. But it might be 14 weeks. I am at the point where the weeks blend into each other, and I should be saying their age in months.
So, they are 3 months.
I can’t believe it because it seems like yesterday I was sitting on my bed getting ready to go to the hospital, but it also feels like 13 years since I got to sleep without waking up to feed a baby or two.
The first year is my least favourite year of parenting. I feel that it is a year fraught with anxiety and stress and crying and hormones. I am always convinced that there is something wrong with either one or both of the babies. I feel helpless when they are both crying because they want my attention, and despite the fact that there are two babies, there still is only 1 of me.
I haven’t been able to tandem feed because both Louisa and Beatrix have a bit of reflux. Not enough to medicate, but enough that if I don’t hold them upright immediately after a feed they spit up all their food all over. In Beatrix’s case, its a spew that can go several feet. In Louisa’s case, its a constant dribble. Not tandem feeding means that I am feeding approximately 276 hours a day.
But these incredible months have also been filled with cuddles and smiles and coos and lots of love. It is a humbling to see 2 little newborns develop and learn. It is a blessing to see Atticus and Vivien love and play with them. Atticus is actively trying to teach them to talk. Vivien to trying to teach them … I am not sure what, but it involves a lot of toys and singing and patting.
They are starting to notice each other when they are laying beside each other. The smiles they give to each other are precious!
I still can’t believe that God has given me 2 of His children to raise. There are many times my heart cries out to God, telling Him that I was right and that I can’t do twins. But there times of peace as well, when I feel myself being help up by Him; times when I don’t know how I am going to make it to the end of the day, but I do make it through His strength; times when I am so overwhelmed by His love, that He gave up His Son for me.
I am so thankful for these 2 girls and for their older brother and sister.